New beginnings

It's been a very long time since I wrote a post. Believe me, it's not from a lack of will or material to compose. It's more of a "I've let this go in-updated for so long, how will I ever get everyone up to speed on what's been happening with me?!?!" situation.

So even though I've had all these amazing experiences and amazing ideas, I haven't blogged. I've put some skeletal ideas together but just haven't felt the urge to get it out there.

I'm restarting now. We will "talk" again soon.

Kitchen Fail

I'm going to preface this post by saying except for the next paragraph, this post has nothing to do with weight loss.

The preparing myself during the day for eating out at dinner has gone well, for the most part. Now it seems that my hubby is finally going to see the logic in not having our meals in restaurants so frequently! (Cross your fingers!)

Ok, now that that's out of the way, on to today's topic. My most recent kitchen failure.

After I got home from school, I was hankering for something sweet. I thought about making cupcakes but didn't really want to go to all that effort. Then it hit me, No Bake Chocolate Cookies! Mama used to make these for my sister and I as an after school snack for us to eat while watching Wishbone before we started our homework.

No Bake Cookies are SUPER easy. All you really need is some sugar, milk, butter, peanut butter, oatmeal, and vanilla. It seriously takes like 5 minutes. They turn out delicious. Go Ahead, visit the link and look at the yummy pic of delicious chocolateyness. I'll wait.

Anyway, typically, I'll assemble my ingredients before starting a recipe but I was all gung ho and started without fully taking an inventory of what I needed vs what I had on hand.

Because of this lady, my great grandmother, Lois Key or Granny as everyone called her:

I am well versed in the art of substitution. My husband has started to understand that sometimes my recipe substitution is a good thing and sometimes it's not. Just ask him to tell you about the chicken I made once in our old apartment, he's NEVER going to let me live that one down...

So, like the great granddaughter of the master substituter I am, I substituted my heiny off on this recipe.

Me: Oh, I don't have actual milk.... But I DO HAVE Almond milk. That's pretty much the same thing, I'll use that.
Me: Shoot! I'm out of oatmeal.... That's ok, I'll  use Special K in its place and make it more like corn flake cookies.
Me: I don't have enough peanut butter! Hmm. Maybe if I just add more sugar...

Turned out the only thing I did have on hand that was actually in the recipe was sugar, butter, and vanilla.

My husband would HATE how they turned out.  So let's keep it our little secret.

The Special K turned out kind of chewy and the extra sugar gave it kind of a "dirt" consistency. Overall, they have a pretty good flavor. But I wouldn't recommend doing these particular substitutions again. So, that's my latest kitchen fail, anyone else out there have substitutions go haywire?

Doctor's visit

I know it's not Sunday yet but I wanted to check in really quick. I had to go to the doctor as a sort of emergency visit today. I was having SEVERE pain. We still don't actually know what is causing the pain but at least I now have some pain medicine that's making it at least tolerable. However, I did have to get weighed. I was up 6 pounds from my last weigh in. So now I'm moderately depressed AND still in pain. It just reconfirms that I'm going to have to really get back to paying close attention to what I eat. I also expressed to the doctor my concern over the rapid increase in weight. She suggested a thyroid imbalance blood test and possibly further testing once I feel better. Just wanted to put this info out there so maybe I'll get better at monitoring myself.

How making the bed led to a weight loss epiphany

There's an old adage that goes, "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten."

I've always knew this to be true but never really thought about it, until now. This weekend, I would have a total of 6 days off from school and work. I had planned to maybe do a little organizing of our house and read two or three books. Basically, I wanted to be lazy for the sum total of those days. That didn't happen. The first day, I had breakfast with a dear friend and for some reason, it inspired me to not be dormant. I came home, changed the sheets, and made the bed.

That may not seem all that miraculous to you. But for me it's HUGE. Never in my life have I consistently had a made bed. I always brushed off the comments of people saying that making the bed just starts their day off right. Honestly, I'd tell myself, how could that make a difference at all? Wasn't it just hogwash? Now I know it's not.

Because I'd made the bed, it made me feel a little better about not being in our actual master bedroom, STILL after six months. I truly had gotten to the point that I was so dejected about our living situation that I really didn't care if it even looked halfway presentable. I'd gotten in the mindset of, because the house isn't done, my husband won't allow anyone to come over so what did it matter if the bed was made for just us? Let me tell you, it does. I really and truly feel better about the state of our home by completing that one little task.

It also made me think about what other barriers I might have created for myself that I didn't even realize. When I was single and doing so well on Weight Watchers, I only had meals in restaurants maybe once a week. So now that I can't fit any of the clothes in my closet and am getting frighteningly close to my start weight, one of the big things for me is; "I've gained so much weight because my husband wants to eat out all the time." Ok, let's examine this. First of all, I'm not blaming my husband, who I love, for my weight gain. Yes, ever since we started dating I have gained weight. And Yes, my husband wants to eat out almost every night, never mind that it isn't good for our pocket book OR our waist lines. But it's MY FAULT that I let it go to my waist. Eating in restaurants makes him happy. I don't really understand why, but it does. His happiness means so much to me and he gets so upset when I try to dissuade him, that I give in.Then I feel guilty about ever trying to change his mind. He works so hard and all he's asking is that I let someone else cook for and serve us, who am I to complain? So I give in, and what do I do when we go out? I eat what I WANT to eat, not what would help me stay on plan. Why? Because I don't want to go out to eat and not be satisfied. It really is a fear thing with me. I'm afraid that if I don't order the pasta or chicken strips or the potato soup and pretzels, that I'll be hungry later or I won't like the meal I ordered and it would have been a waste of money for me to have eaten something else in the first place.

Basically, I feel out of control in this area. After spending over two years of my life on plan, I know that if I were to have gone to a WW meeting and asked for help, I would have heard these suggestions:

1. Find something on plan at the restaurant to eat and/or choose a WW friendly restaurant.

2. If you've already eaten out X number of times, don't go with him.

3. Realize that the odds of you going to a restaurant when he gets home are good, and plan accordingly.

Option #1 When we go out, it's typically always my husband's choice in restaurant. That's not to say that he forces me to go to places I don't like, I DO like these places. But many times, these places are not at all WW friendly. For instance, there's a burger place that we LOVE to go to where literally everything is fried. So for our outings option #1 is almost always out.

Option #2 is not an option because my husband works often 7 days per week, 10-12 hours per day. I WANT to spend time with him. The argument could be made that if I stopped going, it would stop being pleasurable for him to go and we'd start eating at home more. But that brand of passive-aggressiveness is not for me.

Option #3: EPIPHANY ALERT: Failing to plan is planning to fail. One of my favorite leaders ALWAYS said that. I think what has been happening is that I've been just going with the flow and not taking responsibility for my eating in areas that I could control. The great thing about WW is its flexibility. If I were to start getting Activity Points during the day AND wisely use my Points for breakfast and lunch, eating out for dinner would become a non-issue. 

Effective immediately, this is my new strategy. I'll check in next Sunday and let you know how it works for me. 

It wasn't the end of the world, but it was...

The four horsemen didn't appear. Fire did not rain from the heavens. The world as we know it did not end. However it was the apocalypse of my re-fatting denial. It was this guy that made everything come crashing down: 

I had gone to the allergist in an effort to control my cat allergies so I could breathe for Christmas festivities. (No such luck, though I will be going back for treatments which have an 80% effective rate.) But I digress. 

In the nearly two years that I have been with my now husband, I have put on a whopping. 67 pounds. That's 268 sticks of butter, a little over 8 gallons of milk, a whole lotta weight. 

Talk about a wake up call. At the rate I'm going, it'll be no time before I completely gain back everything that I lost. It's time to get back to basics. First things first. Calculate points for what I'm eating. 

Starting with these little guys. Surprisingly, they weren't as bad as I thought at 5P+ each. Most of the Points come from the cream cheese icing. I'm hesitant to use reduced fat items in it because I think that it makes them incredibly tasty and satisfying, but my next post will detail any changes I do make to them. 

My next agenda item is to drink water like it's my job. Whenever I am doing my best, I drink about 80 ounces of water per day. To be brutally honest, I don't even remember when I last drank that much water. Starting today, I did.

Starting Wednesday, I will be attending one meeting per month at my old WW location in Bellville where I really feel a kinship with everyone and know they will help keep me on the straight and narrow. I'll attend meetings here in Sugar Land on the other weeks due to the financial strain multiple hour long trips would cause us. 

My husband and I have also committed to only eating out once per week. Over the past year or so, we've become increasingly dependent on eating in restaurants, sometimes several times per day and that HAS to stop. 

I'll also be posting here weekly, so feel free to stop by and chat. :)

The more things change, the more they stay the same

 Staying Up... In a Down World by Zig Ziggler was a total snooze. I couldn't get into it and ended up not even finishing it. I decided reading that particular motivational tome was not going to help me get back my mojo.

Left @ 210 pounds July 2012
Right @ 283 pounds January 2009

I started thinking about what helped in the past and came up with three ways to reclaim my lost enthusiasm.

1) The Weight Watcher's Message Boards! I remember when I was feeling my most revved about losing weight was when I visited these boards every day. Today I went there and within minutes I was feeling a little better about my journey. Turns out that I'm not the only one who has backslid after having made such strides at mass reduction.

2) Tracking. Earlier this year I had purchased a little notebook to use as a tracker. While I liked the journaling aspect of this particular style of tracking, I struggled with actually using it. I'd end up only doing it once a day which doesn't really do much good. I wanted the ease of tracking like I had with the Weight Watcher app but since I am following Momentum instead of PointsPlus, that tool is no longer available to me. So I ended up downloading a really cool app called MyNetDiary.  It has all of the spiffy things I liked about the WW app (integrated bar-code tracking, anyone?) and other things that I love like the ability to enter activity calories burned. AND a detailed daily nutrition readout:

 The only thing I haven't figured out is how I will make this go with Momentum points values which I find easier than the native calorie calculations. I just downloaded it today but so far I really think it's cool AND it was FREE!

3) Face to face meetings with like minded people. I used to attend WW meetings every week without fail. Since I am no longer doing PointsPlus and I needed to save money once I became a full time student, I haven't been to a meeting since March (I think...). I have not yet figured out a way to replicate this past motivator. I tried the weight loss buddy website but didn't get any replies. I was thinking of going to the message boards and seeing if anyone wanted to do meetings via Skype but just asking out of the clear blue seems kinda creepy to me. I guess I'll have to ponder on this a while longer. Any suggestions anyone?

Never give up

It's been a while since I wrote a blog post and for that I apologize.
Here lately, I have had a lot on my plate. Being a full time student and new home owner is tough business ESPECIALLY when you add two ruptured discs to the equation.
Today I decided to start reading some motivational books and see if that helps me get my weight loss mojo back. (It seems like nothing else has helped, so maybe this will do the trick.)
School starts back the last week in August, so my plan is to read one motivational book per week until then.

This week's book is: Staying Up... In a Down World by Zig Ziggler

I just downloaded it and I'll be ready to read in the morning.

What helps you when you need a little extra motivation?

Personal Training

I've been anxiously anticipating my meeting with Eric S., the trainer at my 24 hour fitness location. I tried to make a list of fitness related goals to accomplish. I came up with exactly one during the whole week I was wracking my brain.

I want to be able to kip up without looking like an idiot or hurting myself.

So with that in mind, I went into my fitness assessment/session today. I was mostly anxious because I knew I'd be having my fatness tested. It felt a lot like that moment in Jemima J by Jane Green 

when Jemima lugged herself out of bed, early to have dreaded the fatness testing. The trainer took lots of measurements and pinched her fat roll with some pincers.  

It started out pretty typical. Eric asked me questions about my prior fitness history, how I hurt my ankle, and what I wanted to accomplish. I gave him my one goal and tried to quickly add some others. "But," I told him, "It has to be fun or I won't do it." (I seriously think I'd already said fun like 789 times during our initial conversation, so I'm pretty sure he got it.)

We left the interview room and went into the "back room" where all the torturous fatness testing goes on. I stepped on the scale and did my best not to look. (Remember, I'm NOT focusing on THAT number anymore.) Then I braced myself for the pincer/caliper test that... NEVER CAME! Instead we used a tape measure and  THIS THING 

I really wish I'd have had my body fat tested when I very first started WW, it probably would have really depressed me but might be interesting to know. For the record, right now my body fat is at 43%. ALMOST HALF OF MY BODY WEIGHT IS FAT! Isn't that like the saddest thing, ever???

This is a copy of the chart they use:

According to Eric, the Average category is actually misleading because it's the one you want to be in. He said my goal for body fat percentage should be 25%. And that he could get me there in about 8 months. 

Then we went for the fun part, exercise. I was going to post a picture of the machine I used, but I can't find it  online. I did a set of squat/rows, then this crab walk squat row thingie (it seemed complicated at the time but was actually pretty fun), then a belly down exercise ball 5 pound weight thingie, some planks, and then squats against the exercise ball against the wall with a medicine ball in my hands. Crazy stuff, but you know, I was laughing and he did a really good job at motivating me. He kept the number of reps in the realm of something I thought was difficult but still do-able. 

Now the only trick is coming up with the money to do it on a regular basis. 

Focusing on goal changes

This year I've decided to focus on my activity instead of my weight loss. It seems like I've become so focused on the number on the scale that I am getting incredibly frustrated.
Since I joined 24 Hour Fitness, I have made exercise related goals. Specifically: burn 3500 calories per week and attend at least 3 fitness classes.
I'm happy to say that I've consistently exceeded those weekly goals.

This week on Tuesday, I'm meeting with a personal trainer. We'll see how that goes and I'll post about it then.

BIG changes

As some of you may have heard, Weight Watchers has tweaked the program, again. Last year when they switched from Points to Points Plus, it screwed me up BIG time. I resisted and resented it. I moped. I whined. I struggled. AND.....

I gained.

20 pounds.

This time, I'm adopting a more "go with the flow" technique for dealing with the change. (Not only that but many of the key changes, didn't even effect me.)

For those of you that don't know, the changes were minimal. No reformulating how points are calculated and minimal recalculations of what foods "cost". They also tweaked the daily points target for some members. (I was not one of the ones who had a changed target.)

I was excited to see that wine went down a point, but then right after that they stated that beer went up one. So for me, that was pretty much a wash. 

One of the really cool things about the new program is.....

NEW BOOKS!

Everyone knows how much I love new reading material! And, it came in a little bag. (which I probably won't use because I already have a fancy one that I use for my meeting stuff.)

The other totally nifty thing is....

Power Start Sessions

The power start sessions are like a little mini-meeting after the meeting to hone your skills in different areas, such as making your home/work/life atmosphere more WW friendly.

I'm really excited about these changes. I feel like now is a great time to be a WWer and I think the coming year is the year that I'll reach goal. :)

My mom is in town, so she's gonna be "forced" to tag along on Sunday. If anyone else would like to attend a meeting for free, let me know. I'd love to hang out with you!

My accomplishment this week: I've embraced the change, gracefully. :)

Since this will be posted almost in time for me to do another post (thank you stomach virus) this is what my goal for this week was:

 Stay within my points target for the week. 

What happens when you open your eyes...

This past week, I've been trying to pay more attention to myself and to my habits. A few things I've learned are:

1. While eating breakfast is typically good for me, eating last night's leftovers for breakfast is not. On the days that I do that, my whole mentality is fried and I tend to eat whatever whenever.
2. I've been having more control of my pizza insanity lately. I actually ordered a large pizza last week and did not eat the whole thing in one day.
3. I tend not to overeat if I'm eating with someone. It seems that the people pleaser in me will not allow a friend to see me binge uncontrolled on my food drug of choice. (I would use this information to keep me in line when it comes to pizza but it also seems that most of the people I'd eat with would rather eat something other than pizza. Crazy, I know.)
4. I need to schedule in some actual workout time. Lately, I've been letting myself down when it comes to this. It seems like I've been making all kinds of excuses and that is no bueno.
5. Sophie and her bicycle basket make me feel unbalanced when I'm riding. I need to practice with it more. And also figure out why my tire pump isn't working.
6. With the weather turning colder, I need to start thinking about winter wear. Since Sophie is a chihuahua, she needs something to keep her warm while I"m riding. I need to get her a new sweater and while I was looking I saw THESE

Wouldn't she look so cute????

I've also been thinking about cancelling my WW monthly pass. I can't remember the last time I actually attended a meeting and I still haven't figured myself out on the new plan. Plus my new lower income could seriously use the extra $40 a month. I've still got all my old plan info, I wonder if I could find some old food journals.

This week I surprised myself with my portioning. I didn't over do it or binge like I could have. I cooked most of my meals and generally had a good attitude about what I was putting into my body.

In the coming week, my goal is to increase my activity. To meet this goal, I'm going to schedule exercise and also commit to adding 10 minutes of  non scheduled activity per day (ie taking the stairs, parking further away, etc.) I'm also going to commit to a blog posting schedule. :)

Gigi's Cupcakes and A Loss???

Gigi's Cupcakes has arrived in Sugar Land. Wouldn't you know that I've discovered this little oasis on the week that I recommitted to WW meetings? I tried to deny the call. The little voice in my head kept saying, but MAGHAN, it's just ONE cupcake. You've got the weeklies for it... c'mon it'll be soooo good. 

I wavered. Realistically it was only ONE cupcake. And I really did have the weeklies available. I know myself well enough to know that if I DIDN'T eat a cupcake, I'd likely think about nothing but cupcakes for days until I ended up caving and eating half a dozen of the yummy morsels.

So I decided to go in. If they didn't have my favorite, I reasoned, I could just walk out. No harm in looking. (Hilariously enough, Gigi's is located right next to a Quick Weight Loss Center, they share a wall. I thought back to my QWL days and remembered how having a cupcake then would have ruined everything.) I took a deep breath and went in. The owner greeted me right away and I saw several of the above beauties. My absolute FAVORITE red velvet with cream cheese icing. 

As I tried to contain my drool, I struck up a conversation with the owner. Of course, WW came up. At the moment, GiGi's does not have nutrition information available but they are working on it. Once they have 5 more locations, the government will require it and they want to be ahead of the game. He told me that he too was Point conscious and that whenever he and his wife take some home, they split them. (By the way, they make each cupcake fresh daily, so I'm sure that happens pretty often.) He boxed up my delectable little treat like a treasured present and I went about my way.

Once I got it home, I took Sophie out and evaluated the cupcake. I decided to cut my little beauty into fourths. It was STUPENDOUS. I found myself with another fourth about to leap into my opened mouth. And....

I stopped. I put it back in the box. Those of you who know me IRL know that I LOVE sweets. So I was doing some SERIOUS self talk as I put the container in the fridge, closed the door, and drank some water. 

I was satisfied with the fourth?!? I don't think that has ever happened to me. But I was totally satisfied, to the point that I'm sure if I'd had the other fourth, I'd have been a little nauseated from the sweetness. I'm happy to report that the second fourth tasted just as good the next day. AND I shared the remaining half with Trevor. 

This week I lost 3.6 pounds and had Activity points for ALMOST every single day.

Stay within my weekly points allowance for Thanksgiving and do a 5k. 

Pressing the RESET button

For my sanity (and my Mama and sister's birthday) I took an extended weekend home. I stayed in my bedroom at my parents' house and enjoyed five days of being Daddy's little girl again.

For five days I had no cell reception. No emails, no texts, no Facebook. At first it was a little scary but then it was kind of liberating. I was able to focus on myself and my family even better than I had in the past. I realized that I use my phone in my daily life a little more than is actually necessary. That said, being home and having time for a little self introspection made me realize a few things, some weight loss related, some not so much.

1. I've gained two pants sizes since I was last home.

2. I want my own family a lot sooner than I originally thought.

3. I really miss being a country girl: riding horses, getting dirty working on the farm, hanging out with family, playing tag with the kids in the front yard, and just slowing down in general. 

       

Most of these things I can actually accomplish with my continued weight loss journey. (For sure #1 but in extended ways, all of them would be improved by reaching my goal weight.)

Today I went back to my new favorite store (HEB Sugar Land market) and loaded up on meal planning foods. Tonight I enjoyed a delicious Slow cooker brisket. I found the brisket on sale. The store actually had one slab of brisket that was 97 cents a pound, however that was WAY too much meat for just the two of us. I purchased a three pound package of trimmed brisket for just over $6. I already had most of the items needed for the recipe. I cooked a can of corn (72 cents) and mashed some potatoes that Mama gave me. So this meal cost about $1 per serving. We have tons of leftovers and I froze the other 1.5 pounds of brisket so we still have plenty to eat. If I'd gone out to eat, these two portions would have EASILY cost us $8 each. (That's a savings of $14!)

Today was my first day "on plan" in at least a month. I was actually surprised by how much I got to eat. (I remember thinking that over two years ago when I first started Weight watchers.) But I had some apple pie and some Blue Bell for dessert after dinner and even had chips at lunch and still didn't "spend" any more points than my daily point target. :)

Did Pollyanna Die?

I’ve lost my motivational mojo.

I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to get my weight loss bearings only to realize that even if I get my bearings, I don’t know where to go. My funk is so bad that the only way I’ve realized there is a problem is that I’ve started hiding again.

When I was my heaviest, it was easy to allow myself to shift into the background. It's funny how no one sees the nearly 300 pound woman in the room. No one tried to talk to me and most of the time, I was fine with that. I didn't really worry about how I looked or how I dressed because to be honest, the tents I costumed myself in did little to make me feel better about myself.

That Maghan is not the real Maghan.

I love talking to people. Conversations with strangers are sometimes the most interesting. And I'd come to love shopping. Now that I could actually find cute outfits, it was fun to try stuff on. Running and biking are awesome and bred euphoria. But the mojo left me and the funk reigned supreme.

I've gone out of my way to avoid interaction with others besides the people I most love. And even then, I probably haven't been the most pleasant.

I went shopping last week. I even had specific needs for clothing but didn’t try on a single item. Not one. Why? Because I was afraid of the truth the tag would tell.

I haven’t run or ridden my bike for weeks. And it’s not just because I’ve been sick, I haven’t wanted to sicken others with my grotesque-ness.

And that little insight is where I’m going to start. I feel like that statement says everything. Grotesque. While I know that isn’t the case, I feel like my self-esteem and even my self worth has been tarnished.

There was a time that I felt like a beautiful bad ass. I was in control of my life and my weight loss. Others recognized my achievements and I felt like I was finally within reach of my goals.

That was then.

Now, I don’t feel beautiful in ANYTHING in my closet. (Even though my boyfriend assures me otherwise.) And my world feels completely out of control. The goals that I’d achieved are now gone and the others I’d set no longer feel right. It seems like this runaway train started coming apart with the 20 pounds I regained and my brain has aligned that disheartening event with the more recent demise of my career. (“Would this have happened”, my brain keeps asking, “if I were still a size 12?”)

The one thing I do know is this self-loathing and self-flagellation HAS to stop. TODAY.

I cannot change the past. I cannot erase the wrongs that I have done anymore than I can erase the wrongs that have been committed against me. If I am to believe the people who really do love me, I am still a smart beautiful woman and I am worthy of the self respect I once had.

I found this quote and I feel like it fits my current situation perfectly:

Learn from the past
Set vivid detailed goals for the future
Live in the only moment of time you can control: NOW. 

This week, I’ve been striving to learn from the past. There have been a few simple things that have held a lot of truth for me. Foremost, I had to let go of my previous Pollyanna like outlook on life. For those of you who have no idea what I mean by Pollyanna outlook, Pollyanna was a novel (and subsequent Disney movie) about a little girl who in spite of a sad background had an optimistically sunny outlook on life and was determined to see the positive in every situation. I can't live like that anymore. Sometimes you just can't be positive about certain situations. Sad as it is, not everyone who professes to be a friend, actually is one. At the same time, I'm also learning not to sell myself short. To hold true to my own truths. I am more than my job. I love and am loved in return. I can do anything I set my mind to.

With this knowledge I think I can move onto setting my goals for the future. (Which I’ll discuss next week.)

The great grocery gathering

I apologize for not having a blog post last week, I've been really sick and am only now beginning to feel like joining the land of the living. Anyway....

As ya'll know from my previous posts, it's been difficult to get my behind in a grocery store. Since moving to Sugar Land, I just hadn't been able to find a grocery store that I enjoyed navigating or that carried all of my favorite foods. For that matter, I hadn't been able to find one that wouldn't leave me with only dust bunnies in my wallet. So it may not be a surprise to you that this morning my fridge looked like this:

Clearly I wasn't in the best position to make any kind of healthy or plan friendly meal. 

On Saturday there was a flier in my mailbox announcing the grand opening of a big new HEB close to my house. I *warm big puffy heart* HEB. :) Naturally, I was excited. The grand opening was yesterday and I tried swinging by there. It seemed like every Sugarlander had the same idea/ People were trying to park in the street and the loading zone in the back of the store. I was so not feeling being packed into a store full of people dying for a good sale. I decided to wait until today.

It was still pretty busy but not any more so than any other HEB I've ever been to on a regular day. Me and my reusable bags found a not too distant park and went in. I was trying to get my fliers out of my purse when who should come greet me but Hugh Sintic, the Unit Director. You may be asking yourself, "how does she know who this guy is?" Well friends, the guy's picture is on the flier they mailed out and yes, I felt slightly like I was meeting a celebrity. Hugh gave me a copy of the store's floor plan:

Every WWer's BFF

Then he welcomed me to the store and we chatted briefly about what my needs were in a grocery store. (I was amazed that he'd even care what my grocery store needs would be. HEB is truly an awesome store!) After a handshake, I was on my way. There were many helpful HEB partners littered throughout the store and I found myself really enjoying the experience in spite of still feeling under the weather. I even found a few things that intrigued me. And as Kimberly, (meeting leader extraordinaire) always says, "Don't be afraid to try something new!"

Rambutan: Doesn't even look edible, does it?

Cross sectioned

You take it out of the spindly shell and eat it, whole, seed and all. The flesh tastes like the middle of a grape and the seed is almond-like but not quite as hard. Actually pretty tasty, $7.99 per pound, this little guy was .08 pounds and 64 cents. Not the best buy, but hey I tried something new. :)

I continued on. More Almond milk was numero uno on my list, so I went to the milk aisle. Turns out, HEB has come out with their own brand of almond milk. Conveniently at eye level, it was 50 cents cheaper than the Almond Breeze that was on sale. So I got some of their brand to compare with the stuff I was almost out of at home. (Neglected to look at my Kroger flier, Almond Breeze is 1.99 there if you buy @ least 10 of their promotional items. That was a 50 cent loss. I'm not sure if I would have actually gotten 10 of their promo items though.) I don't know if they were actually supposed to but, they matched the price Kroger listed for the Skinny Cow Dreamy Clusters. $1.49 savings :) 

Here's the most amazing thing about the whole trip, EVERY SINGLE CHECKOUT WAS OPEN! I didn't have to wait at all to check out and the cashier, Laura was really helpful.

I ended up buying 40 items. My total before coupons was $99.16. (including the match price on the Clusters).

Once all my coupons were utilized, I spent $85.19. Pretty amazing if I do say so myself. 

This is what my fridge looks like now:

I also got all this:

 Overall, I think I did a really good job. I'm excited to be able to take better care of myself and a fully stocked fridge goes a long way. Plus I'm gonna love cooking for Trevor (my boyfriend) and myself.

I hope that I get rid of this stupid cold/allergies/whatever soon because with my new schedule, I'm dying to ride my bike and run more often. Who knows, I might even find a meeting I love. It's gonna be a good week. :)

Lumineers and how I almost lost blatter control

After anxiously awaiting for what seemed like a month of Sundays, I got my Lumineers placed on Friday!!! Thank you, Dr. Mike Kesner at Made Ya Smile Sugar Land (www.madeyasmiledental.com)

The BEFORE before picture

I had a gingivectomy (a procedure where they reduce the amount of gum that is showing) and that gave me a great smile but it could still be better. Here's what I looked like after they were placed:

Then of course, I had to get my hair cut. I have to give a shout out to my hair dresser, Sasha Hubble at Visible Changes in First Colony. She did an amazing job and gave me the best hair cut EVER!

I wish I had a better pic on my phone but I LOVE LOVE LOVE this haircut! So that was my little transformation. Onto the SCARIEST THING EVER

On Friday morning, I couldn't sleep. I'd crashed on the couch Thursday night but woke up at 3 am and got into my bed with every intention of going back to sleep. Come 4, I still hadn't konked back out so I decided to get up and go for a run. I was out and about an hour before my usual time and it was so serene. I'd just downloaded a new app called Cyclemeter. It works with all of your outdoor activities (running, walking, cycling, skiing, etc). I'd used it for my cycling but nothing else so I was excited to use it for running. It's pretty awesome by the way! Not only does it have functions to calculate distance, time, and stuff like that it has the ability to send email updates of your GPS position to a person of your choosing. Which is cool but who could I possibly send those updates to??? As I was running, I was going through the possible candidates and eliminating each one. I came to the conclusion that while it was a cool function, I most likely wouldn't be using it.

On mile two, I heard a car coming up behind me. My route goes down every road in the neighborhood and I was about to go into a cul-de-sac off the main road and so figured they'd just keep going. I have this weird thing where I don't like people watching me run. It probably stems from the kids who heckled me in the past neighborhood or maybe it's just my own insecurities that someone will think I'm just a poser. At any rate, I was anxious to get them off my tail.

  I turned. They turned with me. Then I look over my shoulder and it's an older model van. Like a 1992 Aerostar or something. No big deal,  I'm thinking, maybe they live here, it could happen. Maybe they just spent all their money on a house. Then my inner voice says except that the van looks SERIOUSLY out of place in this neighborhood. So I start going through my get away scenarios (don't tell my Mama but my mace was safely at home in the Durango). Then I think to myself, DAMN, if only I'd set that stupid gps updaty thingie up, at least they'd know where I was abducted from. And maybe my captors wouldn't see my phone and it could continue to send updates. How the crap do I call 911 without alerting them???? Then, I came up with the plan that I'd just run to the first front door I came to, bang, and scream like crazy.

I keep running and they get RIGHT UP behind me. I hear the door unlock and a window roll down.Then...

They throw out a newspaper. And I almost wet my pants.

It got me thinking that I need to get a quick release thingie on my pepper spray. I also need to actually carry it with me. And I looked at stun guns once I got home. Paranoid? Maybe. Overactive imagination? Possibly. But hey, I watch Investigation Discovery, so it can't be all wrong.

Actively A Successful Week

It's been a week since I committed to 30 minutes of activity per day. I'm happy to say except for one day, I exceeded that goal! Below is what led to this successful week.


1.Knowing that so many people knew about this goal made me much more likely to get it done. It goes to show that publicly stating a goal will make you more likely to accomplish said goal.

2. Setting my alarm so I'd run before work. It took a little finagling but I found the time to run, shower, and do my hair before I had to leave.

3. Having my exercise clothes ready and waiting for me in the morning to run and in the evening for my bicycle ride.

4. Making myself do it. There were many time when I thought, I really don't want to do this today. If I don't, no one will know. But I did it anyway.



I love my neighborhood in the early morning hours. When I run, it's 5 am and there is next to no one on the roads. So I don't have to feel self conscious about my running style. (Or the fact that I still feel like a fat chick trying to run.) That probably helped me stick with it. I didn't run this morning. I was lazy. But I'm going to tomorrow morning; it'll be interesting to see if the traffic on my route will change since school is back in session. And speaking of school, there must be some kind of back to school pizza special because it seemed like every other driveway had a pizza delivery person in it. (I'm also happy to report that I was not one of the people who ordered it tonight and that I only had it on one night this past week. In my book, that's an improvement.)


I haven't figured out how to work my routine into the late days this week. On Wednesday and Thursday, I work from 11-7 and I don't really want to be up at 5 am to run if I don't have to actually be at work until 1030. Any suggestions?

This is ME?!?

I've come to realize that I'm no longer the person I was when I started WW. (Thank goodness.)

But the problem with that is that I feel a little bit like I'm completely lost. I don't know how to be this New Maghan. New Maghan is a little scary to the shards of old Maghan that are hanging around. Before you start picking out my cell at the looney bin, hear me out. (and make sure it's purple.) Two years ago, I was sad, lonely and in a job I loved but that didn't bring me the income I needed to really stand on my own. I was making payments on a car that barely got me from point a to point b and I was miserable. I rarely went out with friends and I was SO TIRED ALL THE TIME. I wasn't perky. I wasn't happy.

Now I'm in a fantastic city that I LOVE. I've got a great job that compensates me well. I have a kick ass apartment that keeps getting better as time goes on. I'm dating someone who respects me and treats me better than I ever thought possible. And I have so so many awesome friends (who are more like family). I go out practically all the time. I'm happy. I'm perky. I'm loved. And I have a great life. I am truly blessed to be where I am right now.  And while I am SO happy to be living this life, like I said, it's a little hard to get used to. It's like all those times when I'd catch my body doing something new (crossing my legs, walking between the patient chair and the counter, RUNNING), I sometimes have to ask myself, WHO IS THIS PERSON? One of the main ways that I know I've changed, is that I actually care about my hard work slipping away and that I'm really miss the me who ran and was in control of eating, exercise, and all those other things over the past two years.

I'm still struggling with doing what I know I should. I think part of the problem with my seeming lack of control has been because I've been so focused on doing everything perfect. So, this week I've decided to break my list into smaller "bite size" increments. It's what I did in my beginning days of WW.

The first week, all the leader asked was that we track. She didn't ask anything about activity. She didn't ask that we completely overhaul our kitchens. In short, she asked only what was feasible. I'm really having a hard time with tracking. So I'm going to work on it. I'm going to track but I'm not going to stress myself out over it. I don't have to be PERFECT. (And really isn't that what it's all about, learning to live with your imperfections?)

This week I'm super excited about some new acquisitions so I'm focusing on Activity.
At minimum 30 minutes of REAL activity per day.
I've done a lot of things to help accomplish this. Drum Roll please....

I've missed running. Haven't actually done it since the fall, so it'll be interesting to see how I do when I start tomorrow. I love running in Ryka's. Usually they don't have ANY in my size at the mall. I saw these at Lady Footlocker. They had my size (I'm now a 9 where two years ago I was a 10). And they were cheaper (79.99) than the Nike's (99.99) that first caught my eye. So it was fate, right? I couldn't NOT buy them.

 I may have gone a little overboard on the whole exercise thing, because I also bought a bicycle.

 I haven't thought of a name for her yet, but I have ridden over to Patti's house and I had SO MUCH FUN! I haven't had so much fun on a bicycle since I was a little girl. When I was getting her out of Margo (aka my Durango), my neighbor came out and talked to me. She's got a bicycle too and I invited her to come ride with me sometime.

I never realized how expensive it can be to get started with all this stuff. When I bought my shoes, I also got some new socks (because they were "on sale" and I really did need more socks). I also bought some new exercise pants (because they had this little purple stripey thingie.) And today I bought a bike, a helmet, a lock, a hand-pump (for the bike) and two sports bras (that I have to wear at the same time to minimize the 'bounce'). I may end up having to take a second job to support my new activities, especially because, I think Sophie needs a bicycle basket.  This is the one I've had my eye on.

Life is good.

It's like scraping my brains off the pavement

Yesterday's post begs the question, If I know what to do, how come I haven't been doing it?

That's a real stumper isn't it? Kind of like those people who ride a motorcycle at 100 miles an hour on the freeway with no helmet, they know they SHOULDN'T be doing what they're doing but they still don't change it. Often by the time something MAKES them change their ways, that something is another vehicle and then it's too late. An EMT is scraping their brains off some guy's bumper. I bet those motorcycle riders have excuses for why they don't wear helmets (it's too hot, helmet hair, etc). Let's examine some of my excuses for not doing what I should.


"I have no self control." My first time on Weight Watchers (WW) was 2003 and I lasted a week and 1 day, lack of self control was my excuse for quitting then. After having been on plan for two years, I know THAT isn't the reason.

"I don't have time to count points." Um, yeah, but I do have time to check Facebook on my iPhone 50 times a day. That excuse isn't gonna fly.

"Being on plan isn't as much fun as eating whatever I want!" It is true, counting points and planning for dates or meals in restaurants isn't as much fun as having Crusted Chicken Romano and getting a slice of 30th Anniversary Cheesecake just because I went to First Colony and they have a Cheesecake Factory. But, being able to shop for clothes in ALL the stores at First Colony is WAY more fun than Cheesecake Factory ever is. So I guess I need to choose my fun...

"I've worked all day, I'm too tired to work out." By the time I get off work, I AM exhausted. So it's true that after work, I'm too tired to work out. Maybe I should work out before work....

"I've worked all day, I'm too tired to cook." This has lead to way too many calls to Domino's lately. I think my delivery guy realizes that I have pizza addiction problem. It might be a good idea for me to pre-make my dinners. Cook a bunch the weekend before and warm 'em up during the week...

"I don't have anything to cook." Yeah, Maghan. That's cuz you haven't been to the grocery store in forever.

"I don't like my meeting" Try another.

Crap! I think I've run out of excuses and I couldn't get away with a single one of those.

In the beginning, I was so motivated. Really, extra driven. NOTHIN' and NOBODY was getting between me and my goal. I'm not sure what happened but I think I'm suffering from "misplaced motivation". I think that's where number 6 on yesterday's list will come in handy. I need to set some new goals and check in with myself periodically.

I probably also need to do less "real big picture" and more "rear-view big picture" thinking. I'll explain what I mean next time.






 

I'll just say it, in four months, I've gained back 20 of the 100 pounds that I'd destroyed.
20 pounds.
Four months.
5 pounds per month.
Dang.
Often in our weight loss efforts, when times like this arise, we are told to ask ourselves, "What's not working?"
That's a loaded question and I for one think that sentence isn't working. At the risk of sounding completely spacey, that sentence is awfully negative.  And don't we have enough negativity out there? For me asking What's not working could take me all day to answer because that has always been a big  list of things.
Me Vs. Pizza= not working
TX heat Vs. my running habit= not working
Cooking Dinner Vs. 10+ hour workdays = not working
Trust me, this list could go on and on. I think the better question is "What is/was Working"

1. Tracking- In my 2+ years as a Weight watcher, I know this is the key to success.
2. 30 minutes of REAL activity per day (Sadly, sex and walking Sophie (my chihuahua) down the stairs and 10 feet to potty and check the mail, does NOT count.)
3. Having actual groceries in the house. (You know, to make MEALS out of??? Left over take-out and odd bits of stuff that with other stuff could maybe make a meal doesn't make a person very successful.)
4. Going out once a week. Eating out every meal coupled with dessert and alcohol during the week eats through the points BIG time. (pun intended)
5. Attending a Good Meeting. Never underestimate the power of a good leader and friendly supportive members.
6. Regular Goal Checkups/ Goal Setting. I keep forgetting to ask myself, "Maghan, how's it going?"

So now that I know what works, Why aren't I doing what works?
I'll answer that next time.